DIRECTOR NOTES

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I was born in Gilgil, at the time my father was in a police force that sought for stolen cattle. Since the tribes people believed that all the cattle was given to them by God, they freely stole cattle from each other. Before my father joined the force, he was a warrior and stole the cattle himself, the information about that in length, can be found in my book, Fluegel für den Schmetterling der Tag an den mein Leben neue began, Wings for the butterfly the day my life began.

 

My original story, I had noted in English. I then worked with a friend, a great lady, it was a close collaboration, she transformed the book into German. It’s good that I know German, so that I could correct, and see to it that she translated the right picture

I wanted to paint, but she also had to see the picture in herself.

 

In the book, its about my journey through fgm (female genital mutilation), which happened at the age of twelve, going to thirteen, at the time my parents had split up, and my father had stopped being in the force where he was retrieving stolen cattle, he had come to out village to be a Burgernmeister, a mayor. I consider myself to be a Burgermeister in Berlin, and my father is responsible for that...

 

It was not how I wanted it to be, because I wanted to have it in a traditional set up. We had it done in a clinic where I walked to with my sister and got cut, but that saved my life.

 

The clitoris has an outward and an inner part, they cut the outward part, and little of the inner, but there is still something left. This caused so much damage that all the nerves around it died, and it took many years to restore them. In my journey of transformation, I first had to restore the psychological damage that had been done to me, before the physical damage was restored in the reconstruction that I finally went through in Walfriede hospital.

 

It was then that they were able to pull the clitoris from within, so that it’s a little more complete now, and because I had already done the psychological treatment of speaking about it, facing it, facing the pain and allowing the healing of the reconstruction was able to take place.

 

Something that I fought for all those years that came very expensive, finally when I had it, and was choosing with sexuality, the men just wanted to come and grab me, not knowing what I suffered.

 

A woman is sexual for herself, you enjoy it if it gives you an erection fine. Don't come and touch me, don't cross my boundaries. Just because I’m feeling sexy, it doesn’t mean that you can touch me. Don't take advantage of a woman because she is feeling sexy, a woman is sexy for herself. I find it strange that women here have to cover up themselves, or making themselves ugly, because they are scared of being a butterfly. It’s like a butterfly without colour. That makes me sad.

 

Why are they being jealous towards me when I’m being a colourful butterfly, in the ubahn I tell the women, hast du keine muschie, meine war in africa verstummelt, und jetzt habe ich es wieder. Don't you have a vagina, mine wa mutilated in Africa, and I eventually have it back. I’m not going to allow you to kill my muschie, (vagina). You are a woman, you should give me solidarity.

 

For me who is still recovering my sexuality, I’m still careful of it. I regard myself as a Child, and I’m not ready to bear fruits, I’m like a new branch shooting out of a tree, enjoying the new awareness...

 

Free sexuality is natural...tender...clean......it’s not about using each other...its about connection....knowing that we are all human being beings, equal, owning a bombastic sexuality, there is nothing to fear, its godly...

 

The butterfly signifies transformation, evolution, this is what my book represents, its about the pain that i was finally able to transform into power...

 

The text in the book fluegel fuer den Schmetterling from German to English.

 

As humans, it is our right to be whole, complete.... My rage is justified...

 

and it empowered the women to speak out ...

 

It enables the voiceless to speak. Out of the courage the desert flower foundation self-help group was birthed....

 

If I had not gone through fgm, I thought to myself that evening at home, had I have not laboured, for many years trying to overcome fgm...I would not have been able to be in the position to help others...

 

On that day, it was though; I had received extra wings....

 

Out of my pain... something was birthed!

 

Praise GOD!

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Ntailan Lolkoki